Atalanta was the only Greek Amazon and the first of three Amazons that will appear in my series of 'Women in Greek Myth'.

 

Atalanta was the daughter of Iasus and Clymene. Turns out Atalanta’s father, Iasus, was a bit of a doodle. See he only wanted a boy child, and when Atalanta was born, he chose to expose her on the side of Mount Parthenion (exposure is killing the child via abandonment and leaving it to the elements).

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Whilst hanging about on the side of this mountain, Atalanta is discovered by a she-bear. The she-bear recently had cubs that were killed by hunters, so said bear decided to nurse baby Atalanta. Some time later the same hunters who killed the she-bears cubs also kill mumma bear. I know, shit right? On a good note, the hunters take Atalanta and raise her to become one of the greatest hunters in Greek myth.

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Atalanta’s CV of Kickarsery

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• Defeats Peleus in a wrestling match at the funeral games of King Pelias.

• Takes first blood during the hunt of the Caledonian boar (this was a big pig that took some famous Greek men along with Atalanta to bring down).

• Meleager, who struck the killing blow on the Caledonian boar (and also wanted to get in to Atalanta’s loin cloth) credits Atalanta with the kill and presents her with its hide. 

• Atalanta joins Jason and the Argonauts on the quest to find the golden fleece, during which she takes part in the battle in Colchis.

• She is also said to have not taken part in the aforementioned quest due to Jason thinking a woman aboard may distract the boys.

 

The famed running race and those apples.

 

After hearing of Atalanta’s fame, father of the year - Iasus, claims his daughter and in yet another doodle move, attempts to arrange her marriage. Atalanta however, had consulted an oracle who prophesised that marriage would be her downfall. Now Atalanta had discovered sometime in her badarsery that her legs contained mostly fast twitch muscle fibres, so she decided that she would only marry if her suitor beat her in a footrace. To keep it interesting, if he lost the footrace, he would forfeit his life. Needless to say, a bucket load of men died trying to best Atalanta. As this is Greek myth, there’ll always be that one bloke who prays to Aphrodite. Enter Hippomenes. Hippomenes prays to Aphrodite for her assistance in winning the hand of Atalanta. Aphrodite who is slighted by anyone who doesn’t want to love choses to help him. She gives him three golden apples to roll out in front of Atalanta during the footrace. Atalanta was to be distracted by said apples and each time she stops to pick one up, Hippomenes would take the lead and eventually win the race.

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After some time, Aphrodite becomes upset that Hippomenes did not thank her for her assistance. In revenge she curses the now husband and wife with crazed sexual passion. Due to their new found horniness, they romp inside a temple of Zeus (not the smartest move). Artemis then turns them in to lions due to the misinformed belief in ancient Greece that lions could not mate with other lions, and thus they would never be able to copulate again (until further research confirms that lions can in fact mate with other lions).

 

Atalanta was carved unplugged (no power tools) in huon pine.

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For my short passage on the footrace that stopped a nation, please visit my interpretations page and click on Atalanta – F#ck Them Apples.